Jean Kennedy of Bulawayo, Southern Rhodesia, wrote me a note after her first goal was cleared. She had been cleared once on Routine 3 and was cleared again on the same goal at Saint Hill with Routine 3GA. Her subjective reality on these two processes is of great value to all Scientologists.
These are in actual fact two notes. I give you both with her permission.
She has now had her second goal found and is listing on it and will soon be the first 3GA 2nd goal clear. She graduates this week from the Saint Hill course with honours.
I feel tip top at the moment, and really couldn’t have asked for more out of auditing, if this was as far as one could go it would be enough. I must say there are two big basic differences in the way I feel now and the way I felt after the 3rd S. A. ACC. (1 ) This time I have a bigger certainty, and a very ‘comfortable’ feeling, and while R3 processed you up to more confidence each session, I found on R3GA (just before the lines went free), that I had never felt so stripped bare, and at one stage I didn’t know who I was or where I was going until I realized that ‘I’ had to do things not wait for something else to do them! So all in all listing on the goal was fun, pictures and track recall were very vivid and I sailed right back to the beginning of ‘body moulding’, but the biggest thrill of all was the basic cognition where I thought I was going to find the answer to why I decided to be that way — and guess what, there wasn’t any reason !
On receipt of the above I asked her for permission to issue and she wrote the following expansion:
“This is the basic difference between R3 and R3GA. Being run on R3 had a limiting effect in as much as you didn’t run with enough depth and could never really get at the reason why you chose to be the way you are. It processed you towards greater confidence each session and finally left you feeling tip top, mass-less but still no real answer — and one was always a little vulnerable, if you knew the right button. Pictures and cognitions were also limited.
Now, R3GA was very different and had much more punch behind it, and you could ‘get’ at things you would never have got at on R3. At the start of listing everything seemed innocent enough and I couldn’t see any difference between the two, and suddenly the track opened up and vivid pictures and recall in detail on the track came from all directions, cognitions shot off the body in little spark forms and one could feel the masses just exploding all around, at times making the rings so hot on my hands they had to be taken off. There was a steady feeling of cycling backwards (to the start of body moulding) and one’s habit patterns, fixed ideas and attitudes just went flying by. The most fascinating part was the lines transferring over and viewpoints changing totally.
The worst part comes just before the end, two days before the needle went free I dug my heels in and refused to give another item — why, because I didn’t know who I was, where I was and least of all why I made that postulate. I have never felt so stripped bare of everything and suddenly realized that nothing was automatically going to swing into place and do things for me, ‘I’ would have to do them.
My auditor gently coaxed me into more items, and then at the bottom I found the answer I have been looking for, for so long — ’nothing’ — how foolish can a thetan be! But what a certainty.